Tuesday 18 April 2017

                             The chat box

She opened facebook, a li'l excited.She knew her message icon would blink.She clicked it.In the first tab was the message she was waiting  to read the whole day.She opened the chat box. His text read, " I have been waiting the whole day.Where are u?"
She started typing, but immediately lost the nerve to continue. Why should she chat with a strange person? What on earth has he done for her? Words can triumph a palace in mind.But they have the power to tumble-down the same palace. It's as simple as that.She has heard parents warning their daughters not to trust anyone through facebook, chats etc..And she knew with all her brain that she was  not under the clutches of blind 'Trust'. But she wanted to hang on. What if she getsno one to talk to? What if she regrets at a later stage for losing him?
Though these thoughts searched for a base to hold on, fear had started engulfing her..Fear of losing herself..Fear of not having anyone.Fear of living alone ..
They kept talking for days..months..About movies, their future plans on studies, their friends and what more, their discussions even took up international crises..
She neither saw him in person , nor did she try see him.But the voice inside her kept telling," Don't miss a thing in life"
To end this 'fear Vs fall' war , one day, she said, 'YES'..she thought that the worlds would come down to hug her for her courage, that the seas would cover her with glory.Above all, she wanted him to come face to face and talk something that would soothe her ears.
She supposed, if she met him face to face, if she could prove herself that he was flesh and blood, his spell would break and she would be free again. She wanted to believe that it was only a matter of time and patience.But that never happened. She knew, sooner or later, she would know the truth. And that the truth would liberate her. Slowly, she envisaged the journey she took.After all, what did she know about him, other than what he  told her?By then, she was determined to personate him as an antihero.
When one is willing to present someone as a badass, there are 2 possibilities: either he is too good, or one has no idea of that someone.
Suddenly she knew, she had no idea of him.
She was ready to let go.'Death of thoughts' was the only way out.The truth is, she never got to know anyone well.She wouldn't let them.She was a very private person , and sometimes it seemed that she was no longer interested in the world or in other people.Never mind whatever might have been between people.'Death of thought' does that:it makes everyone feel sentimental.When we stand in front of a died thought, we see only what is good , or what we wish to see.She believed that nothing happens by a chance.Deep down, things have their own secret plan, even though she didn't understand it at the moment.
Her soul is in her stories.She asked herself who inspired her to befriend people and she found the answer: no one.That , all of her 'people' were herself , from different angles.She knew , it's hard to live alone. But it's harder to live on something that probably doesn't exist.She opened a book.It read, " There are 2 kinds of definitions: the one you define,  and the one that defines you. But nothing, whatever it may be, can make you, without your consent.Turn your wounds into wisdom". She closed the book.She smiled, cause she knew the difference then.....

courtesy: someone who doesn't want her name to be revealed.
                                                               ♡♡♡
                                 

Friday 7 April 2017

IT.....             


                               'To b secure on d land, one must b supreme at d sea'- wen I was waiting for psychological test, i read it and , my mind began to work rapidly.India , being  a peninsular region, has to b secure. Yeah...I knew it already.But was I so much interested in securing d land???May b no..Or perhaps , yes..For I have  missed my farewell and last year arts fest for this selection..SSB was not my dream.I knew it by heart..But there was this urge, hard to explain kinda thing , that held me there like  a prisoner wen I cud have  had so much fun in my place."Chest num:10, what r u looking at? Listen to what I say"..I heard the instructor  shouting at me..For all those days, I have never given ears to the instructor..I was trapped inside a question,
  " Y am I here?"

But when students queued up with wild enthusiasm that was unsettling, i had made an answer.
I was on a run.
Everybody wants to run.At some point in life, everybody thinks about walking away.Life's always better on the beach or in the mountains.  Problems can be left behind.It's inbred in us.We're the products of immigrants who left miserable conditions and came in search of a better life. And yet, I was there, to experience something, hoping for a miracle that could transform me to a supernatural being. I had my interview the very next day.
He asked, "What was ur dream as a child? "
I responded, this time totally honest-"As a child, I wanted to be a film actor."
He continued-"And now? "
I answered without hesitation-"Now i am in the process of discovery."
He was amused-"Then why ssb?"

I replied-"I wanted to say the truth atleast in one interview.I don't wanna bluff and get a job.Thank you sir for giving me this opportunity to speak the truth"

He was baffled.My interview was over by a span of 20-30 minutes when others had it for almost one hour. I was rejected for such a blatant response, as well.But I can say, with no doubt that, this was the best interview in my life.And, the best days i can never forget.A figment of me will always cherish , thinking of my friends there..All from India, from diverse cultures..With different views, but with same aim-NAVY..Though I was an odd one with a very different aim,  this team taught me  a unified truth that i knew deep in my heart...The truth I refused to accept. That Life on the run was life in the past.There was no closure to it..But i was ready to close that , then.After my five days in the ssb, i was freely riding a bicycle inside IISc..A poem suddenly broke out from nowhere-
" One fine morning, I woke up , searching for 'it'..
I asked my friends
I searched in my family
I didn't know'its' name
I didn't know 'its' form
I thought 'it' could come from fantasies
And started searching new shores
But one day I found 'it'
'It' had no name, no form
'It' was music to d soul, dance to d body
By then, I had started missing 'it'
'It' was me and I embraced 'it' with open heart"


                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    courtesy:The Partner(a fiction)

                                                                                                                        ♡♡♡